Unless you are a patron (Who will be seeing this the instant I am done with it, whenever that is) by now it’s been about 2 or 3 weeks since I touched Twitter. If you are reading this then I can only assume you either saw it autopost there (I left that turned on) or you are a regular reader to my site (thank you very much, by the way)
A couple of weeks ago I bared my soul about something that had been bothering me for a while. The fact that the vast majority of people see me as some sort of “Community Glue”, a person whose value is not in what they themselves create, or do, but in helping people find each other and building a community out of that.
Mind you this is not a bad thing. Helping build community, building a group that helps each other, is something I do believe in.
However, at the same time, these people forget that I too create. That I too write, and stream, and do more than just “connect” people. And when I posted my thoughts…people ignored this and kept telling me how I should be happy that I am good at networking, and that I should keep doing that, and that I was important for what I do with that.
But…that’s only a part of who I am. And they were ignoring the other part. They were, in essence, doing exactly what I was talking about. They only saw me (and that post) as someone who was down and should be reminded about how much of a community force they are.
Humans, like myself, are complex creatures. We are more than just one things. Matt Mercer for example is a voice actor, a DM, a humanitarian, and more! People know him for ALL those things. People know Grant Ellis (aka Wise Papa Grant) as a DM, spokesperson for Invisible Sun, and excellent roleplayer and con panelist. But for some reason, all I am ever seen as is the community guy.
I am so much more than that, and it hurts me when people ignore the other things I am doing to focus on a single facet of my personality or achievements. The Golden Rule, as it was taught to me, was always Treat Others the way you Wish to be Treated. And so I have. I have promoted, connected, and tried to help others grow while ALSO writing, reviewing, streaming, and all that. And yet, no one really has ever done to me what I do for them.
I say no one, but in reality there is a core of about 10-20 people who HAVE in fact treated me well. I know them all. They are the people who comment on my posts, or retweet nearly everything, or show up in my streams. I love every single one of them, and I know most of them if not by name, at least on sight. But that is quite literally less than 1% of my “audience” if you look at my Twitter Follower Count, which is near 7k.
I get plenty of thanks when I retweet things, or share things, which is nice. But most of what I get asked boils down to “Hey can you do X for me” or “Answer X question”. It is incredibly rare for me to have someone out of the blue, who I have never seen before and is not one of the 20 core people actually share something of mine on their own, or leave a comment or anything.
Now part of this entire problem is that early on in my “career” as TN, I had a tendency to downplay my work and tell people to not spend their time sharing it. I actually am part of my own problem now. I trained my audience to NOT treat me like I treated them. And at this point, I am not completely sure I can ever fix that. My reputation, such as it is, is pretty well cemented and ingrained into how people perceive me. My own discord, when asked to send me compliments one day, only could talk about how I brought them all together. Not about the things I wrote, or the streams I have done, or anything else. Literally they only had things to say about how I was nice, and built a nice discord server.
It is nice to be known, but if my only goal was to be known I would be happy. But I don’t want to be known for only PART of what I do. Unless, of course, what I do is not worth doing. It is possible that the things I write, the videos I make, the streams I do, are not interesting and not worthy of being shared. That is an entirely possible outcome here. But I don’t know because I never get told anything. I never get comments about this. The few comments I do get, when I get them, are always positive.
At this point, I want to try to repair the damage. And I am not sure how to go about doing that. Talking about my own work doesn’t seem to work. I don’t want to NOT share everyone else’s work either, that is not my style. I am not a selfish person, at least I don’t think so. But is it wrong to be want to be known for ALL the work you do rather than only part of it?
I treat everyone the way I wish to be treated. The Golden Rule. But…getting people to treat me the way I treat them seems to be impossible. Perhaps I just need to be more direct.
If I have shared something of yours, if I had said something nice about something you have created…do the same for me? And if someone else has done that for you, do the same for them.
Treat me the way I have treated you. Be kind to me, as I am kind to you.
And as far as twitter goes? I may be back eventually I suppose. Or perhaps I never will. Perhaps I won’t see any changes from this plea and I will instead just stick to my own little corner of the web on twitch and here.
You have to accept ALL of me. Not just one facet of me. I won’t tolerate it anymore. I don’t deserve that. I deserve fair and equal treatment, the same I show everyone else. If I can’t have that, well, then the community doesn’t deserve me anymore I suppose. I can only give for so long, without getting something back, before I break. I am very near breaking, if you could not tell.
I want to reiterate one more time, full and clear, here at the bottom that I WILL still be Writing, Streaming, and making Youtube Vids when appropriate. I just may never return to Twitter, or if I do, it will be much more limited, strict, focused, and NOT until the New Year.
I say this because a lot of my Patrons, when they read this on Patreon, thought I was quitting for good. I enjoy making stuff too much, and my fans on Twitch / Youtube / Patreon / Here support me a great deal without asking for anything in return other then my content, and I love you all for it.